4 Reasons Why You Absolutely Need A Dai Kam Jie For Your Wedding
Attend any Chinese wedding and chances are you will notice the presence of this ubiquitous lady. She will normally be dressed in auspicious red, with a honeyed tongue that speaks endless words of blessings – sometimes with a little naughty entendre – in rhyme to boot.
That is the Dai Kam Jie or wedding chaperone and her role is to guide the happy couple through the minefield of intricate rituals and traditions in a Chinese wedding ceremony.
The term “Dai Kam Jie” is Cantonese and refers to the eldest uncle’s wife from the bride’s family. It is believed that this lady is someone who is blessed or is “auspicious” and the family hopes that her luck will rub off on the new bride.
Many people think that the job of a Dai Kam Jie is only on the wedding day, but in actual fact, it starts way before the day itself.
In ancient times when marriages were arranged, the Dai Kam Jie comes in from the matchmaking stage already. She will be the person in charge of the negotiations for the match, seeing if the couple’s birth dates are a compatible, overseeing the betrothal ceremony and wedding preparations and the actual wedding day itself, she will accompany the bride to the groom’s house to ensure everything runs smoothly.
Of course in modern times, couples want to simplify things and don’t want too many rituals for their weddings, but this doesn’t diminish the importance of a Dai Kam Jie.
Here are 4 reasons why you absolutely need a Dai Kam Jie for your wedding.
1) She Knows Things Even Your Mother or Mother In Law Can’t Remember
As someone knowledgeable about the rich traditions in a Chinese wedding, she can advise you on the preparations required (which vary according to the different dialect groups).
What does a betrothal package consist of? What items are needed for the wedding bed installation? How many different types of sweets and cakes are required for prayers to the ancestors on the wedding day? Are the big candles absolutely necessary or the ordinary ones will do?
The Dai Kam ie will not only give you a shopping list for all the required items, but will do the shopping for you too.
2) She is the Maestro for your Big Day
From start to finish, she guides you and most of the time, your family members through the many rituals of the day. For instance, when the bride leaves her bedroom when the groom comes to get her, she must be escorted by her parents. But who stands on her right and who stands on her left?
When a bride takes her first step through the front door of her husband’s house on the wedding day, she must make it a big step. This shows that she is “home” and not a mere guest who will take polite, smaller steps through the front door.
Fear not, as a knowledgeable Dai Kam Jie will instruct you on what to do step by step.
3) She Keeps the Crowd Merry
The Dai Kam Jie’s mammoth vocabulary of auspicious greetings ensure that the mood of the day remain uplifted.
Her skills are demonstrated during the tea ceremony with every cup of tea served to your married relatives. Her play with words and wishes with double meanings keep the crowd amused throughout the ceremony.
If somebody said something inauspicious, her honeyed words will smooth over any awkwardness that may arise.
4) She is Your Troubleshooter When Things Go Wrong
As with all events, there are things that can go wrong. There could be things that were supposed to be prepared but were not and as a result, you don’t get to use them on your big day. A skilled Dai Kam Jie knows how to go around these obstacles and improvise so that things still go on smoothly. For all you know, she probably has spare items in her car.
Can’t find an emcee for your dinner banquet? It is not unusual for a Dai Kam Jie to step in as the emcee and you probably save a little bit by asking her to do the job instead of hiring a separate emcee.
If you’re getting married and are looking for a Dai Kam Jie, there are some things that you must be aware of.
First, it is important to you discuss with the potential candidate on how involved she will be in wedding ceremony. You need to make clear what you want and don’t want on their big day. Discuss with her at length what customs involved are and tell her which one you will retain.
It will also be good if she can speak a few different dialects in case you and your spouse are from different dialect groups. This will help her communicate with the elderly in the family who may only speak their native tongue and don’t know other dialects.
Is There A Male Version?
In case you’re wondering, it is also good to know that the Dai Kam Jie is no longer a female dominated role. Their male counterparts, known as “Dai Kam Gong” or “Dai Kam Kor” are just as amusing and professional as their sisters.
將传统华人婚嫁习俗简约婚礼合为一体
嫁娶有大妗 福氣的象徵 幸福的傳承 嫁得好矜貴 娶得有架勢
大妗姐給予別人的印象都是上了年紀、有兒有孫的老人家…
不過事實並非如此，現時大妗姐有年輕化的趨勢，年輕至30出頭的也有。現今大妗姐好多都是高學歷，甚至擁有大學學歷，懂兩文三語，甚至地方方言，絕不是低學歷滿口鄉音的阿嬸。資深大妗姐更會主理海外婚禮，甚至與外國人結婚的典禮，絕不失禮。
其實新人要考慮的並不是大妗姐的年齡，而是大妗姐的專業和經驗，不少年輕的大妗姐甚至做得比老一輩的更好，年轻大妗穿着端庄，知书识礼，配合度高，颜值观感与新人相乘，拍出来整体的照片都好看点。
大妗基本能力和工作內容
很多新人對於大妗姐的認識大概就只限於：協助斟茶遞水、陪伴新娘左右、講吉祥說話…
不過其實大妗姐所需的技能和實際的工作內容並不只與此。
以下是大妗姐需具備的能力和工作內容：
長老與新人間的橋樑
新人雙方家長難免對於婚禮時有拗撬，持不同的意見。此時便有乃熟悉中式婚禮禮儀的大妗姐提供意見，令長老信服，以協助化解矛盾。
協助完成婚前中式禮儀
大妗姐的工作不只限於婚禮當天，而是要負責婚前的一切禮儀，视乎服务配套包括協助訂立婚嫁禮品、陪同挑選婚嫁用品、安排三書六禮等傳統婚嫁習俗。
敬茶儀式、大妗姐對白（吉祥說話）
此儀式程序和細節較複雜，因此亦是不少新人聘請大妗姐的原因。
大妗姐隨了要熟悉程序外，更重要的是熟悉一系列的吉祥對白。
以在敬茶儀式時因應不同輩份長輩唸出相應的吉利說話，並教導新人禮教同時也祝願長輩長命百歲、萬壽無疆。
主持拜堂儀式
大妗姐亦是中式婚姻監禮人。傳統而言，婚禮必須由大妗姐宣佈新人結為夫婦，才能視為合法婚姻。現時仍有新人要求進行此程序呢。
大妗＝護身符
大妗姐在婚禮當日另一重大作用就係擋煞，傳統流傳，新娘子帶著福氣及富貴榮華出門，通常都會有好多珍禽異獸想傷害佢。大妗姐就好似護身符咁保護新人，於出門時開遮陪同，不被鬼神傷害，喻意出門大吉。當然，信則有，不信則無啦！
質素較高的大妗
剛才所提及的大妗姐所需具備的基本能力和基本工作內容…
…不過質素較高的大妗就能夠為新人提供更多服務，令新人更為輕鬆呢！高質素的大妗姐可同時兼任中式婚禮顧問、策劃統籌…
為新人由頭到尾安排各種細節，並提供詳盡的意見，從中為新人趨吉避凶，令婚禮完美無瑕呢！
